Thoughts of babies

I'm sorry if my pregnancy announcement via blog was a little too impersonal.  It's just been one of those weeks.  I didn't want to keep it a secret, I didn't want to make a bunch of phone calls.  I just wanted to get the news out there quickly.  I actually haven't told anyone here in Fort Bragg.  That has to be done face to face and I just haven't had the energy for that.  Plus, I feel like I am less lazy if I don't have this excuse to fall back on.  If people don't know I'm pregnant, then I'm less likely to slack off.  ;-)   I've been struggling the past 6 months with fatigue, so it's gotten even harder to stay motivated.

Yesterday I made it to church - it was the longest I'd been out of bed all week.  But my cold seems to be finally clearing up and my energy level is improving somewhat.  I'm not super sick, either (in terms of morning sickness).  My "morning sickness" this past week seems to be mostly due to the fact that I was getting almost no sleep at night - and that tends to make me physically ill.  I have little waves of nausea, but it hasn't been unmanageable.

I know I've told a lot of people that we were done having kids.  But you also know that I felt really unsettled and unsure of that whole thing.  However it seemed that unless circumstances changed, we were done!  In the past two months, Heavenly Father has blessed me with a softened heart and I have finally felt ready to prayerfully submit to His will.  So while we hadn't gotten to the point where we were trying to conceive, I felt that if it happened, I was going to be okay with it.  The Lord didn't give me much of a wait.

Hannah said something interesting yesterday.  She said that she thinks it's perfect to have another child, as she has often felt like there was someone missing.  I have felt a similar feeling over the past couple years, but either dismissed it, or recognized that the timing wasn't right yet.

Right now I can't really believe that I am doing this all over again.  Again.   I don't even own any maternity clothes, or baby gear.  I think I have a couple baby spoons left.  And an old portable high chair hidden in the depths of the garage.  I really, still, don't WANT to be pregnant again.  Hand me the finished product and I will happily raise it.   I don't feel emotionally ready for the nausea, the acid reflux, the difficulty catching my breath, the aching hips, the tender post-delivery body and the excruciating pain of nursing.  SO not ready.  I already know I am going to have to depend on Heavenly Father to get me through all of that.

I dread the comments of the non-member people I know.  I've already put up with the negativity of telling certain people who think having more than two children is a huge mistake.  When I'm out and about I feel so conspicuous sometimes with my large crew.  A pregnant belly only makes it worse.  I certainly haven't fit in well with the 2-kid families here in town.

But the reality is that our children are our greatest treasure.  

As I type this, I'm listening to Kenna and Natalie.  Natalie is struggling to clean the living room - she has to haul two bean bag chairs upstairs.  She got about midway up the stairs and started calling, "a little help here, Kenna?"  Kenna raced to her assistance and they are alternately arguing about the best way to do it, and giggling as they slide down a little.   It really is so true that our greatest happiness is found in our families. 

Okay.  That argument just escalated to screaming.  I better go enjoy my little treasures and help them sort this out.  ;-)

Thanks for the love and support I've received thus far.  Those positive comments have been a balm to my soul.