You can do this

A few months ago I was having a conversation with a woman I visit teach.  She is a social worker and she has really seen some terrible, terrible situations that children have suffered through.  She described some of them and they sounded really so horrible that I had to wonder, how did she not go home and ask God "why?".  Why do these children have to suffer these horrible deprivations when others live seemingly charmed lives?  I asked.  She said that the thing that kept her from feeling too despairing was remembering that everyone who came to earth wanted to come.  And not only wanted, but knew on some level what sort of challenges they would face.  She said knowing that they could face starvation, abuse, and other challenges - they still accepted the opportunity.

That really made an impression.

Then yesterday I was reading a book that shared a story of a woman who trained to do the swimming part of a team triathlon.  She really didn't want to do it, but didn't want to let her dad and sister down, and so she participated.  And it was a horrible experience for her.  Many things went wrong and it was super hard.  At the end of the story she says: "While my father and I were waiting at the finish line for Janelle, my dad gave me a big hug and said, 'You did the hardest part.  You did what no one else wanted to do, and I love you for it'.  She continues by saying, I know that "after swimming the deep waters of life...my maker will be there to tell me, 'you did the hardest part.  you did what no one else wanted to do, and I love you for it'."

That makes me tear up as I type it out.  Just reading it, I felt a powerful witness of the truth in that statement.  Heavenly Father loves us no matter what - and He definitely loves us because we are here - trying.



In other news, we have a new life situation here that most of you have heard something about.  We have a 14 year old young man living with us.  I don't know for how long.  I anticipate for awhile, but you never know.  His parents were baptized a year ago but they are having a very hard time overcoming generations of family dysfunction.  Francisco has borne the brunt of this family's dysfunction and it has started manifesting in his behavior at school.  He is academically very behind - but the very first day he was with us I immediately noticed that the kid needs glasses like you wouldn't believe.  He can read - but it strains his eyes so much that after reading 2 verses of scripture he had to stop.  So that academic lag I think can be hugely contributed to his vision problems - but I am still figuring stuff out.
He's got problems getting along with his peers - which I think is partially a result of his embarrassment at failing at school, and partially a result of being "in the system" for such a long time.  His family does not know how to show love and I think his mom might be crazy.  At the very least, there are issues with honesty between family members and no parenting skills.  Francisco gets along with my kids wonderfully.  I chatted today with a woman in our ward who has actually worked with this family through social services and she was THRILLED to hear that Francisco is with us.  She said what he needs are good male role models, love, and a chance to catch up academically.  Those are all things we can provide.

Josh and I have not been the only ones in the ward worrying about this boy.  We've been praying and this idea to become his guardians seemed really far-fetched, but also had a certain pull - it just felt like something we needed to pursue.  We took it slow - thought and prayed and gathered information over a period of several weeks. Even after we felt like it was the path we should pursue, we weren't sure how to address the topic with his parents.  What do you say?  "Hey, I think you're a crummy parent and I want to raise your son?"  But circumstances just sort of fell into place and they ended up asking Josh if we could help with Francisco, so when Josh broached the idea they were all for it.  We had paperwork signed on Wednesday and he was in our home the next day.  Crazy, really.

We're all acclimating to each other.  He is sweet and helpful.  Logan thinks it's great to have another boy around.  Seriously great.  Someone who will play his games and shoot nerf guns and helps with his chores.  Faith loves him - and she is not that fast to warm up to people.  He is patient with Kenna who never stops talking and Natalie who insists he let her sit on his lap.  I know he is probably still on his "guest" behavior - but I appreciate that he has such polite manners already!

Anyway, this all happened Thursday and between then and now every single person I have talked to in the ward has said almost verbatim - "I'm so glad Francisco is living with you guys now.  I've been so worried about him but I didn't know what I could do".  I think we all recognized his cries for help. Heavenly Father has really blessed us to be able to accommodate him and include him in our family life.  Our dear Bishop - knowing that we now have more children than we have buckles for in our car, - offered us use of his 12 passenger van whenever we need it.  (Honestly, we've really agonized over getting a larger van but it would be such a pain in the rear in our tiny driveway and narrow street).  My friend from social services said she would do whatever she could to help as advocate and mediator.  She will be a great resource.  She knows lots of legal things we need to consider and within her legal abilities (since she's currently not licensed) she can still provide a lot of guidance.

I know that this could be a huge failure.  Francisco is the one who has to decide what sort of person he wants to be.  Nothing I can do will change that.  I'm hoping that living in a home with love and Gospel light, he will have a chance to see that there is so much more and better than the life he has been living up to this point.  We have plans to keep him for months and months - forever if his family situation doesn't improve and his parents are willing.  But we are also hoping to help his family improve to a point where he can live there happily.  He is the oldest of five siblings, so it would be good if that could happen.

I have always had a passion and desire to help children who are hurting, and I've always known that helping them would someday be part of my life's mission.  I've been waiting patiently - knowing that raising my own children to be healthy, happy, loving, Christ-like individuals was my first and most important priority.  But I also believe that we each have a personal ministry.
(On that topic - I can't recommend this talk by Sister Parkin highly enough - it's a personal classic for me:  http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=2073 ).
I didn't know how my ministry would come about - but I have always known it would have something to do with helping children.  This experience with Francisco, no matter how it turns out, feels good to me because it feels like I'm doing something I ought to be doing - something that fits my unique talents, abilities, and interests.  
Since it's all new, I'm doing a lot of reading and studying about foster kids, parenting teenagers with behavioral issues (I'm not entirely sure what Francisco has to deal with yet), and homeschooling basics that I haven't thought about in so many years - taking someone back to the beginning and filling in all the gaps in their education.  I have SO many thoughts running through my head constantly now - I can hardly type this because my thoughts are going so much faster than my fingers can move!

So that's our story.   I'm looking forward to seeing how it turns out!

PS - bought Nicholeen Peck's book "A House United" and it's fabulous.  Best parenting book I think I've ever read.